Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned. All throughout the cold Chicago winter I excitedly anticipated an amazing summer. As the weather got warmer my energy was high, my mood was optimistic, and I had high hopes of living my best life.
But it turns out the universe had a different plan for me...
Over the past two months or so, life for me has become somewhat of a nightmare through a series of one unfortunate thing after another. I’ll spare you the details, but the past 8 or so weeks have been a period of being beat down, and then kicked while down – a roller coaster of grief, sadness, depression, and disappointment. At one point for a few days I could not sleep, I struggled to get out of bed in the mornings, and I was sick to my stomach.
Perhaps you can relate when you reflect back on low points in your own life. Most, if not all of us have been there at one point or another. It’s an unfortunate truth that sometimes life is full of both peaks and valleys, and at the moment I happen to be in the depths of one of those valleys.
This article, however, is not an airing out of grievances. Everyone has their own battles to fight, and mine is not particularly unique. This article is, nonetheless, an internal dialogue about how difficult times are often blessings in disguise, fueling us with the internal fire and willpower that we need to advance our lives by orders of magnitude.
Personal Responsibility
Firstly, I must acknowledge that recent life occurrences which may seem like an unfortunate string of bad luck are not necessarily bad luck at all. Luck implies randomness, chance, and most of all, lack of control. However, there are many things in our lives that we have control over, and any given situation is, in part, due to actions we’ve taken or decisions that we made. Perhaps we were doing what we thought was best at the time, but nonetheless much of what happens in our lives is in large part our own doing to one degree or another.
Sure, not everything is within my control, but among the things that are within my control, I can honestly say with 20-20 hindsight that I could have made different choices and decisions that would likely have influenced better outcomes.
As I’ve discussed in my Victimhood to Victory article, one cannot change their situation without first accepting the fact that the onus is on one’s-self to step up to the plate and take ownership over their lives and everything that happens in it. Accepting personal responsibility over life circumstances is the first step in any journey toward being empowered to bounce back from the most difficult of times.
Mental Toughness
You may have heard me talk about the concept of mental toughness before. I preach the philosophy of practicing voluntary hardship which is basically the notion of reaping psychological benefits by intentionally subjecting yourself to considerable discomfort. There are a number of ways to practice this, but among the most popular is cold exposure via ice baths, cold showers, or exposure to below-freezing winter air without protective layers.
Bitter cold is among the most universally repulsive feelings that any human will experience, as it activates a fight or flight response triggering the brain to act impulsively, and the body to involuntarily convulse, spasm, and hyperventilate. To endure cold exposure repeatedly, a person must learn to dampen and control the violent and involuntary reactions of the body.
The premise behind voluntary hardship (cold exposure) is that routine discomfort trains the mind to develop the mental fortitude required to manage one’s actions, reactions, and emotions in preparation for the inevitable periods of life where times get tough.
I began dabbling in voluntary hardship and cold exposure therapy in 2020, but really began picking up the pace in 2021 when I made it part of my daily ritual in the winter months. In 2022 I introduced daily cold showers into the mix as well.
Over the years my tolerance for enduring discomfort has gradually increased, so I can attest to the powers that it has given me to be more measured and controlled during stressful points.
When practiced intentionally, voluntary hardship is a very useful tool for preventing a person from acting impulsively or irrationally during life’s most difficult moments. This is the better path forward compared to the alternative which traps many people…. Escapism.
Escapism
In the past, before I developed the emotional strength and mental discipline to handle difficult situations, I would have looked for ways to dull the pain through staying out late at night, drinking, not getting out of bed, acting out of character, dealing with multiple women on the most superficial level, and making generally reckless decisions.
My observation is that these types of behaviors are the default course of action for many, if not most, people. The level of escapism is directly proportional to the severity of a person’s suffering. For example, the mild stresses of work inclines many people to turn to happy hour cocktails, emotional eating, or binge-watching TV to de-stress. Meanwhile, the more intense stresses of losing a loved one, intense chronic pain, and past traumas could influence a person to resort to even heavier and more extreme forms of escapism.
The problem with escapism is that it brings surface-level fixes to deeply rooted problems, allowing the problems to germinate, potentially leading people into stagnation or a downward spiral.
Moment of Clarity
“Thank god for granting me this moment of clarity, this moment of honesty…”
Those words, spoken by American poet and urban philosopher, Jay-Z, are most appropriate at this time. Throughout life, we’re oftentimes so busy and distracted that the chaos of life tends to mask some of our most deeply rooted intuitions. When life is filled with chores and work, with bits and pieces of entertainment sprinkled in to fill the gaps, it’s possible to continue through it without having the realization or clarity to understand that it’s your time to take meaningful action and begin charting a new course.
Sometimes it’s only when the tide goes out that you have the clarity to understand that the foundations of your being are in need of repair. When the tide goes out in your life, and the feeling in your gut doesn’t sit well with you, that is a clear signal from the universe that something needs to change.
Much of what has brought me joy, drive, and fulfillment over the past year or so is no longer serving my life in that capacity today, from friends who’ve succumbed to their own internal demons by taking their own lives, to my own shifting priorities in the direction I’d like to take my life, and everything in between.
This most recent series of upsetting events has unmasked an incongruency that has been building for some time. I now have the information and understanding that I need to course-correct and make necessary changes to align my life with my purpose.
This is the moment of honesty that we all need from time to time, and I am thankful for it.
Harnessing Energy
Tapping into my mechanical engineering background, I recognize that energy can exist in many different forms and can be transferred from one medium to another to create tangible impacts, good and bad. In other words, energy can be harnessed, and with careful and intentional design, be leveraged for positive change. Conversely, energy channeled recklessly can lead to more malicious endeavors. For example, the energy stored inside a piece of enriched uranium can either be harnessed to destroy cities with nuclear weapons, or to power civilizations with relatively clean carbon-free electricity.
Fortunately, I’ve long since moved away from the self-destructive behaviors that come as a result of channeling my energy into poor decisions and escapism.
Difficult periods of life are both a curse and a blessing all in one. While they leave profound and lasting impacts on our minds, they also provide us with a catalyzing activation-energy that is almost impossible to source when life is good. I’m talking about the kind of energy that gives a person the motivation to fundamentally change their lives for the better.
Think of David Goggins going from a depressed 300 lb cockroach exterminator to becoming the 36th ever black Navy SEAL, accomplished endurance athlete, and best-selling author.
But how does one channel their negative energy into fuel for profound life changes? I’m sure everyone has their methods, but I have one that I stand by as a guaranteed way to overcome darkness, and leapfrog your way into a different paradigm of existence.
This is my nuclear option, because it is not one to take lightly, nor is it necessarily enjoyable. In fact, this option comes with drawbacks such as stress, loneliness, and burnout. But there are times in life when one’s back is against the proverbial wall, and a person needs to put on boxing gloves and go to battle.
Monk Mode
What is monk mode?
Monk mode is a temporary period (1 to 6 months) of isolation, intense focus, and discipline to eliminate all distractions and fully immerse one’s-self into a way of living specifically directed towards life-changing endeavors. The name derives from the monk-like mindset and lifestyle that one must adhere to, to make profound transformational change in a relatively short period of time. Rather than incremental progress, the objective is to focus diligently on curating a daily practice that leads to rapid exponential growth either physically, spiritually, emotionally, relationally, or financially.
While it’s common for people to make half-hearted efforts to improve their lives, the point of monk mode is to draw a clear line in the sand, and to act swiftly and decisively by forcefully propelling ones-self forward.
In my opinion, it is the ultimate tool in the “self-improvement” toolkit.
I tapped into monk mode once before during a crisis-point in my life, but at the time I didn’t realize there was a term for what I was doing. During this time, I went from depressed and unemployed, making no money, to confident, financially secure, and feeling an overwhelming sense of abundance.
Monk mode is practiced differently by different people, but it generally entails doing the following:
1. Identifying your purpose – Purpose is oftentimes conflated with one’s calling, but purpose is a bit more tactical and less lofty. Your pain is your purpose. Whatever your biggest pain point in life is, overcoming that is your purpose.
2. Abstaining from distractions – Cutting out any major distractions that are diverting attention away from your purpose. For me the most egregious distractions generally include:
Staying up late for no particular reason
Fleeting friendships and relationships
Worrying too much about the future
Mindless scrolling on social media
Compulsively checking the news
Drinking alcohol
The benefit of abstinence is that it closes the onramps to the road of escapism, and forces you to not only viscerally experience the pain, discomfort, and unpleasantness of the current situation, but to also eliminate opportunities to engage in activities that are counterproductive to fulfilling your purpose.
3. Introducing and reinforcing healthy rituals – Incorporating key behaviors and routines that align with your purpose and fast track your personal development. For me these routines include:
Intense skill development
Voluntary discomfort
Minimalism
Meditation
Exercise
Reading
The benefit of healthy rituals is that it allows for the clarity, calm, and introspection that you’ll need to transmute into an elevated mind state. Furthermore, these are the daily habits that will frame the actions that you take to achieve whatever goals you have set forth.
Because I prefer prolonged periods of “monk mode,” to avoid burnout I strategically incorporate breaks into my timeline. Breaks do not include resorting back to life as usual but may include travel retreats or spending time with close friends and family for special occasions.
I will continue to write blog posts, publish my weekly newsletter, and work with paid subscribers of my re-branded diet and fitness program. However, in most other mediums I will be on "do-not-disturb," so to speak.
Almost exactly 2 years ago, I entered into an extended monk mode after going through a similarly difficult time in life. This happened to be among the most transformational periods of my life. In about six-months-time, I quadrupled my real estate assets, developed a fine-tuned whole foods diet that keeps me lean year-round, advanced my calisthenics skills, and laid the groundwork for what would eventually lead to the creation of Unleashing Savage. I saw my life transform virtually overnight.
This time around I will be pushing for a different form of change, and for different results. I will not get into the specifics of what my goals are, but it will be evident when I am there.
Documenting My Journey
Two years ago, during my last monk mode my biggest regret was failing to write down my thoughts, and the daily actions that I took. So, this time around I am documenting my experience along with the system I am creating, and will eventually publish it as part of a self-development course for anyone else out there who is also looking for that spark to rise up out of their own personal darkness, and take decisive action to put their life back on track.